What do I want? How about not trying to keep everyone happy, and instead trying to keep me happy? Problem is, the people in my life I want to keep happy are in my life because they make me happy. It’s all so confusing. I want what I want and everyone I want to be happy too. Life will never be simple with me guys, let’s just face it. I want to be selfish right now. I don’t want to buy that damn new mattress. I was perfectly okay with the one I have now, then my boyfriend has to go and tell me he wants a new mattress as his anniversary/birthday/christmas present. Now I feel like I have no choice but to go and spend a big chunk of money on a mattress. I have better things to spend my money on, in my opinion. How about saving up money so I can go to school full time and not have to work? Or pay off my credit card? Or not having to watch every penny when I’m on the cruise in December? Or, if I don’t get back into SHSU, having money saved up so I can quit my job before the holidays so I don’t have to work DURING AND ON THE HOLIDAYS? I only want to buy that mattress to make him happy. Because I love him. Because it’s important to him. Because he bought me cruise tickets for Christmas. Because he’ll bitch and moan about it until I do. Because I’m sick of that whole damn word and just want it over with!!! Speaking of which, if I don’t get back into SHSU next semester, I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. At least for the time being. I want to try to teach myself and work in an environment that would help me learn and be mentored. How much do they really teach you about starting your own business in college anyways? I know getting a degree is the smart thing to do but Houston’s education options are not working out for me. At least let me have a break if I can’t go back. Let me be ready and committed to a future of UH. (Ugh. I shudder just to type that.) I am in a horrible mood. My boyfriend is unhappy so I’m unhappy. I’m not saving up the kind of money I need to. I don’t know what’s going to happen next semester, or even next month. I want my fucking credit card paid off NOW. I don’t want to add a mattress onto my budget. And I need a day and night off NOW so I can clean this apartment. And I need that time to be alone time, no boyfriend around. BUT I need to make things right again with him since we’ve both been grumpy these past couple of days. UGGGHHHH. And I have a Psychology test Friday, and I’ve already fucked up pretty badly in that class and its the only one I’m still in and so the idea of school is pretty much hopeless and I feel horrible that my parents spent money on my education and I hate the world right now and……I’VE GOT TO BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!
