So, obviously, yesterday was a real low for me. I am doing a lot better today, but times are still stressful. Last night I had a breakdown after work, but the good from that is that my boyfriend and I got to talk, and crying gets a lot of stress out of my system. It was nice to get a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I am still worried about my financial situation. The day to day expenses are no problem at all, but saving for the future is. There are just too many big bills and things to save for right now. The cruise. A mattress. Christmas presents. Next semester. Job gaps. I’m really finding it hard to breathe right now. Thank God my boyfriend is paying for my ticket. Such an amazing early Christmas present. I think paying near $300 to get my car out of towing really made me realize how serious my financial situation could get. College is also a painful topic for me. I’m really over it. What I need and what I want are at odds. I KNOW getting a degree is the smart thing to do. I KNOW not having a degree might make me loathe myself somewhere down the road. But I can’t deny reality. If I can go to SHSU next semester I will go. But if I can’t, I’m not interested in years and years of college while my colleagues are graduating this December and next May. I’m ready to start my life and the real world has always called my name loud and clear. I want to start my business and I want to take those steps now. Even if I fail, I want to be a stay at home mom. I really hate answering to people and the guilt that never seems to go away. But that does not mean I’d rather not have anyone I love to answer to. Sigh. I need freedom to clear my own path.
